Kicking myself in the backside and SENI

I'm determined not to let this blog go the same way as my Bullshido.net training log but I have a worse memory than a senile Goldfish. Normally, I remember the next day that I need to update my blog and then can't really remember the class or (and this is probably more common) I just can't be bothered. Well now this has to stop. I had to take last week off Jiu Jitsu after having my drink spiked in a local pub but from today I am 'in training' for the Gracie Invitational at SENI. I'm going to be attending at least 4 classes per week with 2 conditioning sessions on top.

I started off yesterday with hill running on Southend cliffs (Photos coming). I feel really lucky to have a place like this to run not too far from home. There are several paths and stairways on the cliffs that go from the seafront right to the top and I've made myself a fantastic little route that alternates between running up the stairs and sprinting up hills. I first got the idea back in my muay Thai days when I started joining the fighters on their pre-class runs. Back in those days I could hardly jog from the class to the seafront, so you can imagine what it was like sprinting up the hills. I remember one time specifically it felt like I was actually rolling back down the hill, like I'd run out of momentum on a push bike. My legs were on fire and I almost vomited. Yesterday, I got to the top of the hill and the endorphines were hitting me like some kind of drug high. I felt so good that I went straight back down and did it again. The second time wasn't quite so Rocky-esque. I got to the top still moving at a decent pace but I was covered in snot and flem and was dry heaving.... But I did it. I was screaming and grunting and hardly made it home... But I did it. Later on I had to go up my stairs on all fours and lower myself into the bath using my upper body for support... But I did it.

Most people see pushing yourself to the point of being sick or even collapse to be a completely ridiculous thing to do, remarking that it couldn't possibly be good for you or asking what the point of it all is. These are the same people who laugh at our diets and boggle at our training schedules. But why do we do it? We want to be the best we can be and we of course, want to be better than our opponent but that's not the full story. Why do we deprive ourselves of the food we love? Why do we cripple our social lives and most of all, why do we put ourselves through physical and mental torture?

Why? Because we love it.

SENI is coming and I'm going to be ready. If I go out onto that mat and lose my first fight because the other person was better than me, that's BJJ. If I am ready and do the absolute best I can, there's absolutely no shame in losing but if fatigue and lack of conditioning are to blame, that's my fault and I will have beaten myself before the fight has even begun.